Who’s Controlling Your Life? The Truth About Approval-Seeking and How to Reclaim Your Power

Self-sabotage is a hidden obstacle that keeps us from achieving our goals, fulfilling our dreams, and living authentically. It often stems from experiences in childhood when our natural selves were shaped by the need for approval from those around us. Understanding and overcoming self-sabotage begins with recognizing its roots and consciously embracing who you truly are.

What Is Self-Sabotage?

Self-sabotage is when opportunities for growth and success appear, but we hesitate or avoid taking action due to internal resistance. Often, this resistance is the result of ingrained beliefs formed in childhood. These beliefs were shaped by our need to gain approval and love from caregivers and authority figures. When our authentic behaviors were not validated, we learned to suppress them, creating a "false self" to fit expectations.

The Role of Approval in Self-Sabotage

As children, seeking approval is natural—it ensures safety and connection. However, when approval becomes conditional, we may adopt limiting beliefs about who we are allowed to be. For instance, a child who is naturally expressive might suppress their emotions if labeled "too sensitive," believing that vulnerability is a weakness.

These early experiences can lead to patterns of overthinking, procrastination, or avoidance in adulthood. The voice of self-doubt—the echo of disapproval we received as children—causes us to hesitate when opportunities arise, perpetuating a cycle of self-sabotage.

Healing the Inner Child

The key to breaking free from self-sabotage lies in reconnecting with your inner child and granting yourself the unconditional approval you once sought from others. This process involves:

1. Acknowledging the Past

Recognize that the limiting beliefs you hold were shaped by your environment. Forgive those who may have unintentionally contributed to these beliefs—they were likely doing the best they could with what they knew.

2. Affirming Your True Self

Reassure your inner child that it is safe to be authentic. Practice self-compassion and affirm that your unique traits are strengths, not flaws.

3. Challenging Limiting Beliefs

Question the narratives that hold you back. Ask yourself, “Is this belief truly mine, or was it imposed on me?”

4. Taking Conscious Action

When opportunities arise, notice the voice of fear or doubt. Choose to act in alignment with your authentic self, even if it feels uncomfortable.

Living Authentically

Authenticity is the antidote to self-sabotage. When you align your actions with your true desires, you move from a place of approval-seeking to self-acceptance. This transformation may look like:

Pursuing passions without fear of judgment

Setting boundaries that honor your well-being

Embracing imperfection as a natural part of growth

The Path to Self-Fulfillment

Overcoming self-sabotage is a spiritual journey of recognizing the divine within yourself. Growth, like nature, begins from within. Just as a seed blossoms outward, your self-acceptance radiates into your life and inspires others. By healing your inner child, you unlock the courage to live authentically and embrace the infinite possibilities that await you.

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Let this be the moment you choose self-approval over external validation. Start small, be patient, and trust that every step toward authenticity is a step away from self-sabotage.

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Dr. Abundant